Scootering contributor Paul Green revisits the idea of ‘Room 101’ through a scooterist’s eyes, reflecting on the influence of George Orwell and Paul Weller before consigning some long-standing Lambretta frustrations, Mod fashion trends, potholes and modern racing restrictions to the symbolic room.
Recently, I was reading an article about George Orwell, and it reminded me that I was introduced to the work of George Orwell by the influence of Paul Weller in my late teens. Weller’s influence on many of our lives cannot be underestimated. I remember reading an interview with Mr Weller talking about poetry and books, which prompted me to read 1984.
The phrase ‘put it into Room 101’ originates from George Orwell’s book 1984. In the book, Room 101 is a torture chamber in the Ministry of Love, where prisoners are subjected to their worst fears. Elements of Orwell’s novel have already started to come true in the form of mass surveillance and the manipulation of truth. Room 101 has also entered popular culture as a metaphor for a place where unpleasant things are banished or dealt with. The idea is to consign something undesirable or feared to this symbolic room, effectively saying it should be done away with or forgotten.
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I touched on this a few years ago and it got me thinking that it was about time to revisit the subject from my scootering point of view and pick on a few more things to consign to my scootering Room 101.
There are two original Lambretta design features that I’d send to Room 101 straight away! Firstly, the original flywheel cowl design with awkwardly placed M5 fasteners; whether screws or slotted bolts, they are so poorly placed from a maintenance point of view and just bloody awkward to get at. No doubt Mr Innocenti had intentions that owners wouldn’t be taking the cowlings off very often, but they are tedious to get undone and it’s very easy to strip the threads in the thin mag housing that they affix to. I’m certain the majority of us have done it at some point!
The second Lambretta design I’d send immediately to Room 101 is the stand mechanism and design! With typical use it bends, gets sloppy, and wears through stand feet. The welding of the stand lugs is frequently poorly placed, meaning the front wheel can sometimes sit too high and the alignment of the whole thing can mean that the scooter leans or rocks one way with use, making it unstable. I remember as a teenager, when my Lambretta GP150 was in daily use as my only form of transport, I seemed to be replacing the feet every few months. The split pins that locate the feet could be a nightmare to get in or out and before long I learnt to leave them out. One time I thought it smart to upgrade to an aluminium foot which only made matters worse.
I’ll continue my rant against the Lambretta stand mechanism with the springs. These seem to either make the stand slam up with a thwack, or let it hang down and unnervingly hit the ground as you corner. I once briefly cured the issue by removing the stand entirely and fitting a sidestand; that was another bad move and don’t get me started on that one!
Over years the comedy Mod scene has developed and features a few elements that I’d also happily throw into my Room 101. First in would be Union Jack shoes and boots. I just don’t get it. Sure, Pete Townsend wore a Union Jack jacket on the famous album sleeve, which again the influential Paul Weller repeated. But I honestly never saw it as what Mod culture meant to me. When the subject has come up in conversation, it’s been justified as a symbol of British pride and identity. I get this to a certain degree, but we celebrate being British by riding around on Italian and Indian scooters, listening to American and Jamaican music, while somehow managing to claim them as our own. So yes, I’d throw Union Jack boots, trousers and suits into Room 101. If we want to celebrate our nation, fly an actual flag, and more importantly fly it correctly!
Other things I’d throw into Room 101 are potholes and modern road surfaces. The roads were way better 40-60 years ago clearly! Ride a 10in wheeled scooter down a modern road and we’re continually dodging potholes and bad road surfaces. Our roads are increasingly third world in standard and avoiding these craters can be positively dangerous. When we inevitably hit one, the front suspension will ground out and that’s going to get a scooter into a whole load of potential trouble. Small 10in wheels sink into potholes way deeper than 17in bike or car wheels.
Last thing I’d throw into Room 101 (for now) is scooter racing related. It’s the health and safety world that has hugely pushed up the costs of going racing. Back in the day we were five and six wide across a start grid. We raced around all sorts of circuits and hill climbs. Back in the day Baiting’s Dam was an access road to a dam and we would spend a couple of hours cleaning away sheep shit before we could race up it, in the 1980s we built a circuit from scrap tyres around an ex-RAF parade ground. It was obvious that anyone going off-line would hit a tyre and that wasn’t going to end well. But we did it. Nowadays the costs of any form of racing is crazily high and you can’t just go and ignore the rules for fear of being sued.
